“I’m
sorry, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to do it….”
Journey to the Spirit World by Suicide
"Self-Murder...the Deception of Suicide in Indian Country"
by Richard Boyden - Published in the Lakota/Dakota Journal and the Lakota Country Times...LATEST REVISED EDITION 8-10-08
FOREWORD
During a two week period in the month of
July and August 08, there were 4 suicides in the community of Oglala on the Pine
Ridge Indian Reservation. Overall...suicides are on a RISE throughout the
Reservation.
This was a email received (12/9/07) concerning the week of (12/2-12/9) from a member of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe. A State of Emergency was declared on the Rosebud Sioux Tribe reservation in 3/07 because of the increase in suicides and attempted suicides. There were 61 attempts from Jan 1-07 to March 12-07
“Hey we had another suicide you
probably heard about last week, also 4 attempted this past weekend, the youngest
being 14 year old male, who tried to hang himself but was caught, one cut their
wrist, one overdosed, the last just happened last night, didn’t get the info
on how they tried. I now am hearing that the kids today are thinking "It's
the in thing to do"…on some of their bebo pages they brag about…if
their going to go out, "their going to go out to suicide, end their own
chit". I'm in total disbelief right now, this is a emergency situation. I
think what's needed to be done to try to combat the situation is change their
perception of thinking, shove it down their throats, Suicide is evil, something
is messed up here. - Anthony Bordeaux Jr.
Buddy Red Bow, the traditional Oglala Lakota singer wrote a song entitled “Journey to the Spirit World”, a song about “getting ready” to pass over into the “Spirit World” and into a life of joy and not like the one here. “The Ghost Dance” was and is a prayer expressing the visionary hope and promise of a better life before and after death because the “Red Messiah” will return to deliver His people from the White Oppressor and all that is not of Him in this life. He will raise from the dead those of our relatives that have passed into the Spirit World and we all shall be together again. Traditional Lakota beliefs say our spirit enters into the Spirit World upon the death of our body. Once there, it is our hope to experience the healing of our hearts, be with our loved ones and relations, and where all suffering and pain is no more.
There are many reasons for the death of the body. Some natural such as old age with the body simply wearing out like an old moccasin. Other things contribute to the death of our body such as cancer, diabetes, and heart disease and in Indian Country, they are primary killers. Then there are the drug and alcohol death destroying affects of our body, on our brain, heart, liver, and kidneys. These same drugs and alcohol also allow for “spirit-heart changers” (evil spirits) to overthrow our souls.
These evil spirits inspire bad behaviors that hurt and kill as evidenced in rape, abuse, fights, beatings, shootings, stabbings, child molestations, and alcohol connected car wrecks as seen all throughout "Indian Country". They work to destroy marriages, families, young and old alike. Alcohol is the preferred beverage of the devil, his "death drink" that is used by evil spirits to "change our hearts and spirits" as seen in the evil Non-Lakota behaviors found among us. Drugs are also used, both illegal and "legal".
Then there is the death that is different from all others. It is death by self-murder which we call suicide. This is when we make a choice to “kill ourselves”. We do this because we believe that we will be delivered from all that troubles us here in this life. We are “evil spirit led” to believe this, otherwise we would not attempt to kill ourselves. Lakota spirituality does not allow for, inspire, or give examples of suicide as being the will of Tunkasila.
Suicide is ONLY the killing of ones body. The spirit does not ever die. Only the body dies when we kill ourselves while the spirit continues to live as it immediately enters into the "Spirit World". You are awake then even as you are now in reading these words. All the feelings, thoughts, and experiences that lead to suicide first begin with a “spiritual thought” that is next acted out through our flesh in the act of killing ourselves. Before we “kill our body”, we are FIRST “spiritually attacked” in our heart and mind. It is the evil spirits who give us the "excuse or reasons" to kill ourselves. The ONLY goal of "evil spirits" is to "convince us" that there is no other choice in life but to kill ourselves and that suicide is our only escape from the pain we are suffering here.
The same spirits that give us reasons to "kill ourselves" also inspire the real life experiences which hurt us. One such is when our heart is betrayed by the one we love, who we find with another. Boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, THIS betrayal of our heart has been said to be the same as death itself for THIS pain is not measurable in words. It is then we "feel like dying" and it is THEN we are at our weakest, and it is THEN that the evil spirits put the thought into our mind that "killing ourselves" is THE ANSWER answer for us to escape this pain and to "hurt those that hurt us" because they "broke our heart" when they betrayed us.
How cunning are these evil spirits? Think about this. Not only do they try to get you us to kill ourselves but they also were the source of the lusts, thoughts, and feelings in the minds of those that chose to betray our love!
There are other reasons to kill ourselves as found in the “memories” of parents, husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend never being sober, who drink themselves into total unawareness of us. Children especially suffer because it is they who need most the love and affection of their parents but receive none.. They suffer both physically and spiritually and in many cases have nowhere to go or no one to turn to or trust. Young Native children kill themselves to escape the "hell of home".
The daily experiences on a reservation are a constant reminder of the past and present oppression by the “evil spirit of the White world”. No jobs, houses that are falling apart with no way to fix them, no money for food and bills, to buy things needed for children and babies and the list goes on leaving us with no hope for things to get better. It is this feeling of hopelessness that pulls us into the dark pit of no hope and it is then we begin to believe that the LIE given to us by evil spirits that the promise of death by suicide will deliver us from our pain and suffering and be our “Savior”.
The realities of reservation life that lead cause us feel this way is NOT an accident. They are
made by those who followed a
spirit and intelligence that is evil.
That spirit is what is called the spirit of the "devil".
In
the beginning of Lakota history, it was Creator Tunkasila who taught us our spirituality.
It was not learned from the White man, the "Catholic-Christians", the Pope, Mormons, or
any other European source.
Lakota spirituality and teachings did not teach us to hurt, betray, humiliate, defile, disrespect, or desecrate another Lakota soul,
the Oppressor did. Tunkasila taught us that in all our relationships
we would do good to one another and love one another in all areas of
our life. We were taught to be faithful to our wives and husbands. We were compassionate, generous, and giving,
We made sure that there were no poor and
hungry among us, no homeless, our parents and elders, women and children were
loved, respected, and taken care of. That was the will of Tunkasila and when we
followed His spirit, we were then on the Red Road.
To not live the Lakota way is to live a life of spiritual and physical “death” is being on the Black Road and is not the way of Tunkasila. When we are this way, we spiritually are not Lakota except in word only. When a Lakota soul "listens to" in their mind and follows the evil spirits of the Black Road, they are following and demonstrating the VERY spirit of the Oppressor. The goal of these evil spirits is keep us on the Black Road so that we then become the Oppressor in what we do to each other in our relationships and ourselves. See how smart the devil is? Of course, while he is doing this, he whispers in our ears "there is no devil...I am no devil".
To understand how "evil spirits" are able to take us over so easily, there was a man who wrote about an experience he had in the Spirit World. He was shown how evil spirits can enter and influence us. He was in a military hospital and very sick. All of a sudden, he “died” on the operating table. Amazingly, he then began to experience his spirit leaving his body. His first understanding was to feel and know that he was in the presence and company of one who identified himself as Jesus. He was then given the following experience for his own understanding. .
He was allowed to witness a scene in a bar near a military base where he saw many men who were heavily drinking. He also noticed that their were other "bodies" there who were trying to drink but they were unable. Each time these other bodies tried to grab a drink, their hand passed through the glass. The man then realized the "others" trying to drink were "spirits" of those who had died and now in the Spirit World, that they still wanted to drink but without a "body of flesh", they could not ever experience that.. This was there condition in the Spirit World.
Next this man then saw a particular man that had been drinking heavily
so much that he passed out
and fell on the floor. Immediately he saw the man's forehead open up
a "spiritual hole". He was shocked to see that one of the "spirits" of those that had died
and had no body and was trying to drink his drink,
was then able to IMMEDIATELY enter into him through that
opening in his forehead like a flash of lightening.
That experience explains how alcohol and drugs are the door opener for evil spirits to influence our thoughts and feelings and then our actions. It is when one is drinking alcohol and or doing drugs, that anger, rage, hate, beatings, abuse, rapes, killings etc, take place and because they are "evil spirit" inspired. Sometimes one remembers what they do when "under the influence of EVIL SPIRITS (through alcohol and drugs), other times no.
The most EVIL of acts we commit are inspired by those "spirits" caste out of Heaven with Lucifer. They are here on earth without bodies. Their work ONLY work is to change our hearts and thinking so that we do the most evil things to one another and ourselves. They are the spirits that convince us to kill ourselves even as they inspired the Oppressor to kill us!
So we ask, how do these spirits get us to to KILL OURSELVES. In most all
situations,
they use alcohol and drugs Otherwise they could not influence us to do this. Alcohol and drugs allow for those
spirits to have place in our hearts and minds where they are then able to become one with our
thinking and begin to to convince us that "their thoughts" are OURS.
Because they are now able to do this, they now are able to get us to believe the LIE that there is only
ONE WAY to stop all of our pain, to end the memories of suffering. They work on
us until they
finally overcome our will power and thinking so that then we cannot tell their
thinking from ours and it is THEN they
convince us to KILL OURSELVES because we believe THEIR LIE!. It is then they have won the war over our souls.
This
is why alcohol is the preferred beverage of Satan and is directly connected to “self-murder”. Remember, that it was the
Oppressor who first offered us alcohol and continues to
do so now. Therefore, understand who the Oppressor represents in both this
life and eternity.
The following
story is a powerful, sad, and painful one. During
a traditional Lakota mourning ceremony during a sweat, Beatrice Whiting, member of
the Crow Creek Sioux Tribe and her husband Ed, member of the Rosebud Sioux
Tribe, had a very revealing and powerful experience “FROM the spirit world”.
It came in the form of a young Lakota woman who committed suicide at the age of
17.
While
they were singing and praying during their sweat, a light began to appear before them. As it increased in size,
they began to see the face of this young woman they new. Her name was Darliss
Brown, a member of the Crow Creek Sioux Tribe. Darliss was the daughter of Darla
Rabbit and was a past student of Beatrice. Darliss had committed suicide two
weeks before because her heart was betrayed..
The spirit of Darliss was before them and weeping. She said to Beatrice, “I am sorry, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to do it”.
Beatrice saw her suffering and saw that Darliss NOW realized the consequences of her self-murder. In the spirit world, Tunkasila allowed Darliss to experience and feel in her heart and mind every single emotion of pain and sorrow of those that loved her as if it was her own. As a result, she suffered “with them” because of what she did. She wept as they wept and mourned as they mourned over her death, when they found out, at the wake, the funeral, and in the private places of weeping and wailing where no one saw them except her!
Darliss saw the hurt she caused those that loved her, her mother, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, friends and relatives. This was the consequence of her act. No escape, no joy, no deliverance from THIS pain and suffering. This was the consequence of her being “deceived” to kill herself. She was so sorry she HURT THEM THAT MUCH and had she known, she would never have killed herself. One has to ask yourself when you are being given thoughts by evil spirits to kill yourself, do YOU want to hurt those who love you THAT MUCH?
Now her mother,
family, and relations were able to understand that Darliss had
been deceived into killing herself and was sorry but ONLY after her spirit left
her body and entered into the spirit world. There her awareness was immediate
and it was there that Tunkasila
allowed her to understand that her self-murder/suicide was “evil spirit
inspired/alcohol/drug connected” and that she believed the lie of these spirits through the use of alcohol.
On
November 25th of 0/7, four years after Darliss killed herself,
Tunkasila allowed her mother to receive a visit from her daughter. Darliss came
to her mother from the “spirit world” and into “time”.
Darla was in her bedroom lying on her bed. She was holding a photo of
Darliss and weeping for her and feeling the pain of missing her in her heart.
All
of a sudden, she felt a cool breeze in the room. At that moment, Darliss
appeared before her in spirit and spoke to her in comforting words, “Mom,
it’s all right, it’s all right”. Darla felt the love of her daughter
for her as she spoke to her and that she was sorrowful for what she had done as
she was still grieving over the pain she had caused her mother and others, four
years later.
Few of those who kill themselves are allowed by Tunkasila to come
back from the “spirit world” to explain or share anything. They only see and
witness the suffering of those they hurt. It is like the “two way mirror” in a
CSI movie where you see but are not seen by those on the other side. You weep and wail and
cry out for forgiveness and try to explain to them your mistake to all those you
loved and who loved you, your mother, father, grandparents, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews,
aunts, uncles, relatives and
friends. But it is no use because you can neither be seen or heard. You realize
once you are in the "spirit world" that you were deceived by “evil
spirits” into believing the LIE that committing suicide was the “right thing
or cool thing do”. And it is then you suffer the torment and pain
in realizing your act of self-murder cannot be undone. This is
and will be your torment. YES there IS an end to this torment but when is Tunkasila's decision.
Cherokee
Walking Eagle Kills In Water is a Sicangu Lakota and member of the of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe.
She lost her daughter Crystal to suicide. Crystal was a mother of six children.
She also was drinking alcohol when she killed herself. She likewise was deceived
by “evil spirits” into believing the lie that she could escape the pain that
was in her life by committing suicide.
Cherokee also had a "spirit world" experience with her daughter Crystal that helped her in her grieving. Three weeks after her daughter’s funeral, she had a “real life vision? where Crystal appeared to her and started gently rubbing her head. She could feel her touch on her head. Crystal asked her mother “Are you alright”? Cherokee said “Yes, I am alright”. She felt Crystals concern for her as well as her sorrow over what she did. Cherokee wept during this visit from her daughter and was thankful that Tunkasila allowed Crystal to come to her as this helped her heal. When she awoke from the dream, Crystal was gone back to the “spirit world”.
Evil spirits will destroy our soul directly or through others and they use alcohol and drugs which are tools of both the Oppressor and the Devil to trick us into believing the lie of suicide. The truth is, suicide only releases our spirit into the spirit world when our body dies and when we arrive there in spirit, which is instantly, we then begin to suffer the consequences of this deception with no place to hide from the witnessing of the pain we cause those that loved us.
So
what is the answer and alternative to suicide? It is the restoring of Lakota love for one another
as inspired by and demonstrated by Tunkasila. Crazy Horse was that example,
Sitting Bull also was. And so was Jesus when He once walked among
the Oyate on this land. Lakota spirituality as
expressed in Lakota thoughts and actions of love must be restored as they once
were among the Oyate and lived again in all our relationships so that no
longer will we do or say anything to hurt another and thus we will no longer be
used by “evil spirits” as an instrument in the death and destruction of
other Lakota souls. This necessarily means we no longer give in to the evil
spirit temptation to use alcohol or do drugs.
The
Black Rap Culture is also a tool of of the devil and his evil spirits who are
working hard in Indian Country to place in the hearts of young Native youth the thoughts, feelings, and actions that are demeaning to young
Native men and women, Elders etc. This evil spirit of the THIS BLACK ROAD inspires violence, hate, vengeance, and murder and reduces Lakota
morality to next to nothing. A Lakota female is not a “bitch” or “ho”.
She is to honored and respected and treated with dignity. That is being Lakota. The
opposite is the way of the Oppressor and represents the Black Road.
We are all connected, not just in life, but also in death. What we do and say one to another can either heal and restore others to life, or destroy them in spirit and body. We in fact can be "accessories" to the evil spirits who represent the Oppressor in the act of suicide. This happens too often. We can chose to work on behalf of and with the evil spirits of death to destroy others directly or indirectly or follow the Lakota Spirit of Tunkasila as expressed in the example of the Lakota named Jesus.
What has allowed for the powers of death and hell and suicide to find their way into the hearts of the Lakota youth and adults on the Rosebud and elsewhere? It is the lack of love one for another by parents, family, and friends. Until this changes, the hosts of hell will continue to laugh while our relatives in the spirit world continue to weep.
What
does all this mean in “real time’? It means one ceases to do in their life
all that you know hurts and harms another including oneself. You do what you
must to quit drinking, doing drugs, gambling. You seek out help, go to
ceremonies, and pray to Tunkasila in the name of Jesus to change. It means you go to those you have
hurt and tell them you are sorry and ask
for their forgiveness and that you forgive those that hurt you. It means
to become once again the faithful husband and wife, the mother or father that has been missed and is needed
by your children,
the relative and friend
that was once there and needs to return. It means you forgive yourself even as
Tunkasila has forgiven you. It means you begin to love yourself because you ARE
Lakota.
It means that while you are here alive in your flesh, before you journey to the
spirit world, that you make this change while you still can so that you can undo the wrong which you
have done to others. It means you no longer allow yourself to be deceived and directed by
the evil spirits representing the “White Oppressor” so that you will no
longer be used by them as their accomplice in the destroying of your own people,
your women and children, and yourself. Because when that happens, it is to late to love those
that are lost
even as it is to late to return from the spirit world when you kill yourself because of what others have done to you.
It means turning to Tunkasila and
praying for the strength to do what you must, for Him to heal you, because it cannot be done without
His power which is His love for you.
This
is the way to heal the broken hoop, to break the cycle of oppression and hate
learned from the Oppressor. Tunkasila is waiting for us to turn to Him and ask
for the strength to change in our hearts. He will heal us of our pain. That is
what the Sun Dance is really about, as shown by the ultimate sacrifice of THE First
Sun Dancer, even Jesus, the ultimate gift of healing and love. He is
asking us this day to decide which road to take, the Red Road of blessing and healing and which restores our
love for Him and one for another or the “Black Road” so many find ourselves on
now, the one of evil inspired
by the devil himself, the one of cursing, death, and hell, the one destroying
our people individually and collectively.
The
choice is laid before us to have restored that which was lost at Wounded
Knee on December 28, 1890. This was the vision, purpose, and prayer of the Ghost
Dance. It is said in our prophecies given to us by Tunkasila that the Wasichu
Oppressor will never change for our good. This is why we must pray together to Tunkasila in the name of the One who
represents all that is Lakota, even Jesus, to deliver all of His Oyate from the evil spirits
representing the
"White oppressor" so that are no more found in our hearts. When this
happens, we can
once again can be called the people of Tunkasila and have restored to us the
blessings we once experienced when He was in our midst on this land as His
People. When this happens, we can once again be Lakota, a people of one heart, one mind, dwelling in righteousness with no poor
among us.
May we
begin to love one another and be
the Lakota People we are called to be after the order of Him who taught us His
way in the beginning remembering that the the more we are like Him, the more we
are Lakota...Aho
Richard Boyden is available to speak at schools, community centers, church's and homes. He is a former instructor at Haskell Indian Nations University and taught "Investigative Journalism-Introduction to Radio Broadcasting". He created this 3 hour accredited class. He is a former Radio Talk Show host and is founder of a 501 3c charity called Operation Morning Star. He also a former Marine and combat veteran as well as an "attempted suicide survivor" who knows from personal experience what the spiritual realities and consequences of suicide are.
He has done radio programs on the subject of suicide including on the Rosebud Sioux Tribe reservation He has shared his knowledge and experiences about suicide with in the homes of Lakota families, with Lakota youth in detention centers and at dormitory facilities.
Anyone is welcome to call him day or night if they are struggling with the temptation to kill themselves. He can be reached at 816-352-7999, 816-305-6765 - 816-461-6666 or email at operationmorningstar@yahoo.com